Who hasn’t marveled at the changing of the seasons…when the cold of winter begins to thaw and we see the first signs of spring; when summer leaves begin to turn into the brilliant colors of fall? What are seasons anyway? A session is a division of a year marked by changes in the weather and hours of daylight. Just as there are 4 seasons in a year… Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter…. our relationships can also be divided into 4 seasons. With each season of the year, and with each season of a relationship, there is a specific focus.
Spring is the season for new beginnings. Winter has finally ended and we are ready to start fresh. It is the time to plant your seeds in the ground and watch them grow into little shoots. In the same way, the Spring Season in relationships is all about falling in love. During this stage hope runs high. You are discovering all you can about each other, wanting to understand your partner, planting the seeds for what you want in the future. You are normally on your best behavior. You listen intently. Cooperation and understanding run high. Differences uncovered between the two of you are considered cute. You want your partner to be happy and like you. You are optimistic and all is right with your world.
In the Summer Season you work the soil, fertilize, weed and grow your garden. In relationships, Summer is a time to do the work to insure a quality relationship. You are in love, but have moved beyond the falling in love stage. You begin to express more genuine opinions and make your preferences clear. It is a time to work on those differences. This is the season of the power struggle. You both find yourselves wanting to be right. You want your partner to understand you. The result is conflict. The Summer Season is when the bulk of the relationship work gets done.
Fall is a magnificent time of year. The leaves are changing, the colors brilliant, the air crisp and refreshing. It is the time of year when you reap the benefits of all that you have planted. In relationships it is the same way. You have done most of the hard work, moved through the bulk of the conflict stage, and worked out the majority of your power struggles. Now is the time to acknowledge your hard-work. You have risked showing your true colors and feel seen and loved. Your relationship feels easier. It is important to celebrate yourselves and the commitment that you have to one another. Take a moment to sit by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy each other. Appreciate the hard work and all that you have accomplished. Let go, surrender into your love and reconnect.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to have the experience of a Fall Season in their relationship. They give up some time during the power struggle of the Summer. If you’ve gotten to your Fall Season, congratulations. You have probably learned the following. If not, these secrets will get you closer.
1. The recognition that you want to be in the relationship more than you need to fight or be right.
2. The willingness to let go of the little things. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
3. Agree to disagree. Some problems simply do not have solutions.
4. Learn to focus more on growing the relationship than concentrating on what is wrong with it. Simply put: learn to focus on what you love about each other and what is working.
The energy of the Fall Season is that of release. It is a time to consider the habits, beliefs, and attitudes that no longer serve you. Use this time wisely. It is the key to a lasting relationship. Do some soul searching. What can you let go of? What can you forgive? Perhaps you can ask your partner to read this article and have a conversation about it. Challenge yourselves to go deeper. Once you have risked talking about what no longer works for you and how you would like to change it, you have a map of where to go next. There is a sense of fulfillment, richness, and wisdom. You are now free to celebrate the harvest of your hard work and all that you have accomplished together.
Winter is finally the season of rest. Plants go dormant, waiting for the new Spring Season to begin. In the Winter of a relationship you feel settled. There are few, if any, problems that you cannot solve together. In most cases you are older, possibly retired and reflecting on the life you have had. You feel secure and satisfied. Your friends may come to you for advice, noticing how well you have negotiated life’s challenges. Just know though that you are never done. No one has ever taken a relationship to the farthest reaches of where it can go…
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