What if you don’t know if your partner is the right one for you? We have met a lot of people who come into counseling because they have serious doubts about whether they made the right choice in a partner.
The way we work with couples and the way it usually works out is a few sessions of very honest communications. Each person puts their concerns on the table and we work through them. It usually starts with some skill building as very few people are good listeners. The other half of that communication skill is learning how to own what is going on inside you without blaming your partner. Most people don’t even know they are blaming the other and find it difficult to own their own feelings.
After practicing these skills it comes down to being honest about what you don’t like in the relationship and what you would need for it to go forward. It hurts to hear what is being said but if you can get through it and agree to any changes, compromises or requests, then your relationship has a greater chance of succeeding. Sometimes, the clear communication allows both parties to understand what is happening and change happens with an agreement that it really isn’t working. Then the mutual ending is a smooth and oftentimes peaceful one. The last scenario is one where one person doesn’t agree which leads to a lot of sadness in the breakup.
The best outcome, no matter which of these three descriptions happens, depends upon the honesty of both parties. You need to speak your truth but should always make it the “sweet truth”. Don’t go out of your way to make yourself feel good but strive for mutual respect. By doing this you guarantee the best possible outcome, which is always growth.